


Phoenix & Edgeworth: meet Naruhodou & Mitsurugi

by sarahofcroydon



Category: Gyakuten Saiban | Ace Attorney
Genre: Comedy, Humour, M/M, Phoenix Wright Kink Meme, american lawyers, japanese lawyers, multiple characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-22
Updated: 2013-03-22
Packaged: 2017-12-06 02:59:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/730774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahofcroydon/pseuds/sarahofcroydon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Phoenix wants to do is relax. But there's a stranger in his house.</p><p>With thanks to E and Saskia for translation assistance!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Phoenix & Edgeworth: meet Naruhodou & Mitsurugi

**Author's Note:**

> Note: if you weren't around the PW fandom in 2007, you missed something brilliant. There are a few references to the following in this fic, I hope the wayback archive still shows it for you. ;) Not safe for work. At all. You were warned. Cool beans.
> 
> http://web.archive.org/web/20070117084214/http://www.finalturnabout.com/pdrive/

 

Phoenix Wright was having a bad day. The trial he was working on had been extended by another day, he'd sat on his lunch and his hair wasn't very spiky. His spirits lifted, however, when he entered his office and saw a familiar magenta jacket hanging from the coathooks. At least he might get a little affection today, he mused, from somebody who cared about him.

Heading into his office proper, he spied Miles sitting at his desk chair, back facing him. Sneaking up on his partner, he took his shoulder in a gentle gesture and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Afternoon, stranger."

  
Phoenix got the shock of his life, however, when Miles leapt to his feet, stared at him in shock and began to yell in an incomprehensible language.

  
“ _Ah…!? Chotto…, yamero yo! Omae, dare da?”_

 

Miles stopped when he caught sight of his face. Then he smirked.

 

“ _Hou, sukoshi wa eigo ga hanaseru no ka. Taishita mono da._ I know a little myself."

  
Phoenix stared. "You know a little yourself?"

  
"Everybody know a little foreign language. I know a little of myself, yes."

 

That was it- Phoenix tore off his jacket and threw it to the couch. Miles was obviously riling him up about an argument they'd had last week about Phoenix's lack of foreign language skills. Phoenix had too much pent up frustration to resist what was obviously going to be a long flirtation in the guise of an argument, and he decided to cut right to the chase. Taking Miles in hand, he pulled the man close and began to untuck his shirt from his trousers.

 

"Last time I checked, you didn't have a 'little' yourself. I recall Miles Edgeworth Junior being rather... impressive." To make himself clear, he pressed his hand to his lover's crotch. Miles looked scandalised and intrigued at the same time, and Phoenix grinned, leaning in for a kiss...

 

...and was interrupted when he saw... _himself_ … emerging from the bathroom. His double stared at him, and his face quickly contorted into a picture of anger. Before Phoenix could move, there was a pointed finger in his face and a black-eyed version of himself was shouting at him angrily.

 

“ _Oi,_ igiari _! Honto, dare nandayo omae wa!? Kare wa boku no koibito da yo?_ ”

 

Phoenix just about leapt out of his skin. Who was this ridiculous looking stranger who had the nerve to barge into his room like this?! As for the uncanny resemblance, Phoenix had always thought himself an only child. After weeks of avoidance, Phoenix Wright knew with a heavy weight in his heart that he might just have to phone his mother…

 

His ‘brother’ looked equally taken aback, and stepped quickly beside Miles, who looked as if he’d just swallowed a cup of English Breakfast instead of the Earl Grey he had been expecting.

 

“Hey, I don’t know who the hell you are, but you’ve got no right to barge into my apartment. That’s unlawful entry, and I could totally sue you for that,” Phoenix spoke to the newcomer as the other man opened his mouth and gave him an equally loud piece of his mind…

 

“ _Doko no dare daka shiranai kedo, katte ni hito no apaato ni hittekuru na! Hi… hito no koibito masaguttete nanisama o tsumori da yo!? Sekuhara de uttaete yaru kara na!_ ”

 

This was getting ridiculous. The man was obviously out of his mind… a drug addict, or a looney, or maybe even a friend of Maya’s.

 

“I’m calling the police,” Phoenix reached into his pocket for his mobile phone, annoyed when the lookalike copied him and did the same. When his fingers hit the red-hot surface of something in his pocket, however, he hissed in pain and withdrew his hand in shock. Peering into his pants pocket, Phoenix was horrified to find that his magatama was glowing an eerie red colour. Withdrawing it carefully with the aid of a wad of tissue to protect his poor fingers, he was even more surprised to observe his double doing the same… taking a twin burning magatama out of his pocket.

 

“My god, the magatama,” He murmured, echoed by the two other men in the room as they observed the strange phenomenon.

“ _Sono_ _magatama_...”

“ _Magatama da yo._ ”

 

Phoenix’s head snapped up to meet the gaze of the other man… the other _Phoenix_ , he realised in horror. Something weird had happened, something not right… there was some kind of foreign clone of him in his living room, and he had no idea how he got there!

 

“Who the hell are…”

“ _Omae wa…_ ”

 

“I think I can have an explanation,” The strange Miles spoke up at this point, wearing his ‘I’m intrigued’ face that he so often wore in court. It was a face Phoenix loved in the bedroom, but worn anywhere else it carried the threat of a patronising monologue to follow.

 

“The green jewel has made alternative dimension. You must also be man of my yearning, from outer space, perhaps, or different country. Your past is alternate, naturally. Please wait, I will explain it to my man.”

 

With that, ‘Miles’ turned to the other Phoenix and spoke to him in the foreign language he’d used earlier.

 

“ _Douyara jikuu no yugami ka nanika no sei de_ parareru waarudo _no jibuntachi to deatteshimatta you da na. Nani, shibaraku tateba kono urusai_ amerika _-jin wa dokoka e itte shimaudarou._ ”

 

The other Phoenix looked upset at this _. “Kare wa boku da yo! Demo nanka ya na kanji da… date kimi to anna…”_ A bright blush spread over the clone’s face, and Phoenix couldn’t help but bang his fist down on the table at this embarrassing behaviour.

 

“Hey! If you’re talking about me, then I want to know what you’re saying!”

 

“Ah,” Miles spoke up. “He is saying he is surprised you romanced me so early. It is a special technique of love he wants you to teach him, and you can both practised on me. By the way, he is Naruhodou. Please, call me Reiji.”

 

“Mitsu… Mits… _Reiji_?!” Naruhodou looked shocked, for some reason.

 

Phoenix narrowed his eyes. If that guy was truly his alternate self, he would never ask for romance tips from another man, let alone his doppelganger. If Phoenix didn’t know any better, he would have said that Miles- no, _Reiji,_ was _trying_ something on him…

 

“Ob…objection,” He muttered weakly, yet his protests went unheard as the front door burst open and Miles Edgeworth, the _real_ Miles Edgeworth entered the room in a flamboyant whirl of papers, briefcases and magenta.

 

“Oh god, Wright, I don’t know, I’ve had the most godawful day. You’d better be in a receptive mood or god help me, oh, I need a scotch and maybe a little specialised _attention_ , if you’re up for it, if you know what I mean…”

 

 

He stopped in his tracks as he spied the other Miles, the Reiji Miles, and his briefcase fell from his hands to the floor like a stone. Immediately after he recovered from his shock, he began to shout in German.

 

_“Wer, zur Hölle glaubst du wer du bist? Ich werde dich verklagen! Und danach verklage ich deinen Anwalt, das Zollamt und Interpol. Und... und die Einwanderungsbehörde! Und...die...gesamte von-Karma Sippe! Nein, Franziska! Ich werde sie ebenfalls verklagen! Was machst du hier in meinem Haus?”_

 

Reiji looked shocked and appalled. “My good man, there is no reason to shout at me in a strange Eurobabble. Please, let us conversation like gentlemen.”

 

Miles’ jaw dropped, turning to Phoenix for some sort of explanation. Phoenix shrugged and held out the white-hot magatama.

 

“I think there’s something wrong with this, it’s brought alternative versions of us into the same place. Or maybe this is just a really bad dream, I don’t know. He says his name is Reiji…”

 

“Mitsurugi Reiji,” The doppelganger interrupted, looking sternly at Edgeworth.

 

“Right, Mitsu… Meat-Soupy Reiji, and the other one is… oh god, I don’t know.”

 

Seeing that everyone was turning their attention to him, Naruhodou blushed and stuttered, leaning forward in a neat bow. “ _Boku wa Naruhodouu Ryuuichi desu. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu_!!”

 

Miles raised an eyebrow, the beginnings of a wicked grin playing on his lips. “Oh-ho, I like him.”

 

Phoenix found himself blushing and stuttering as well.

“Don’t even think about it, Miles Edgeworth. The other one tried it on me before.”

 

Reiji blinked owlishly, clearly listening intently. “I tried nothing on it before, it was suggestion from Naruhodou, not me.”

 

Miles’ gaze snapped from Reiji to Naruhodou, who looked confused and a little traumatised.

“ _Boku…?_ ”

Turning his gaze back to Reiji, Miles’ wicked grin blossomed into a devilish smirk.  
”Well, I can’t blame my _self_ , I suppose. I can’t help but rather fancy Mr. Naruhobo’s charming manners.”

 

In a sudden movement, Miles whacked Naruhodou smugly on the behind. Naruhodou squawked; Reiji seemed caught between expressing irritation and amusement, and Phoenix rapidly found himself becoming outraged.

Glaring at Miles, he reached forward to grab Naruhodou’s hand – a strange spark passing between them as they touched – and pulled him over to stand next to him.

 

“You leave him alone,” He grumbled, feeling oddly protective, at least until Naruhodou made a feeble protest, eyes crossing as he tried very hard to formulate a sentence in English.

“I…. I is…also I to be…person with rights! Please… not to be… objection, Mister Beatnicks!”

“Oh, forget it,” Phoenix muttered, feeling defeated and cranky. “I’ll go and get us some drinks, or beer or something, and we can work out what to do about this mess.”

 

As he left the room, Miles and Reiji exchanged glances.

 

“I like where your thoughts are headed,” Miles said, “but these things are best done carefully.”

Reiji laughed. “Oh, perhaps, I am not so sure, Mister Miles. Naruhodou is very shy. I think that maybe our intended miracle never happen.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Naruhodouu Ryuuichi was having a very good day. The trial he was working on had been wrapped up early, he’d bought himself a packed lunch and his hair was magnificently spiky. Mitsurugi was over for the evening, and the sweet, tender things he anticipated they might get up to were the cherry on the proverbial cake of the day. Grinning to himself as he prepared them some drinks in the kitchen, he received an awful shock when he heard Mitsurugi shouting, yelling at somebody or something in their loungeroom! He raced to aid his beloved, accidentally tripping over his own feet in his haste. By the time he got to the loungeroom, Mitsurugi was being accosted by … by… somebody who looked suspiciously like… _himself_.

 

“Hey, objection!” He yelled, storming into the room, reflexively pointing his best finger. “Who the hell do you think you are? That’s _my_ boyfriend!”

 

Now that he had a good look at the intruder, he was startled enough to take a step backwards. The man looked exactly like himself, the only difference being that the eyes wide with shock were deep blue instead of his own common brown. Well, and the fact that the other man had his hands down Mitsurugi’s pants. Naruhodou had never been allowed to do that in the living room!

Mitsurugi looked like he’d just swallowed a cup of tea from Sapporo instead of the Uji rustic specialty he’d been expecting.

 

“Hey, I don’t know who the hell you are, but you’ve got no right to barge into my apartment! And what do you think you were doing with your hands down my man’s pants?! That’s sexual assault, I could totally sue you for that!”

“ _I'm calling the police_ ,” The phoney reached into his pocket as he spoke, his eyebrows furrowing. Naruhodou’s heart leapt into his throat- maybe he was reaching for a gun! You could never trust those Americans… Naruhodou decided to bluff his way through the situation and reached into his pocket as well. If the fake blue-eyed version of himself had a gun, well, then so did he!

 

As he thrust his hand into his pocket, he yelped in pain when his fingers hit something red-hot and burning. Was it a bomb?! Shocked and frightened, Naruhodou watched as the other man experienced something similar, and drew a perfect copy of Naruhodou’s magatama out of his pocket.

 

“Who the hell are…”

“ _Who the hell are…_ ”

 

Mitsurugi interrupted their exchange, speaking to the stranger in a foreign language. Naruhodou didn’t much appreciate being left out of the conversation. What if they were talking about _him?_ Mitsurugi was wearing his ‘I’m intrigued’ face that he so often wore in court. It was a face that Naruhodou loved in professional circumstances, it meant that Mitsurugi had an answer to whatever conundrum they’d faced, had some evidence or testimony that would help lead them to the truth. He hated seeing that face in the bedroom, though, it always made Naruhodou feel like he’d done something embarrassing like hiccup or fart.

 

“ _The green jewel has made alternative dimension. You must also be man of my yearning, from outer space, perhaps, or different country. Your past is different, naturally. Please wait, I will explain it to my man_.”

 

God, it was strangely hot when Mitsurugi spoke in what Naruhodou presumed was English. It made him seem so refined and European. Naruhodou was staring at his neck when he turned to speak to him.

“Don’t worry, I think we’re experiencing some sort of inter-dimensional time paradox, where different versions of ourselves collide. I’m sure if we wait long enough, that American yobbo will go away. _”_

 

Naruhodou felt a little upset at this.

“But… he _is_ me! I don’t like him, though, he was so… so forward with you.”

Blushing all over his face, Naruhodou realised that he was a little jealous. While he certainly didn’t condone the practises of the Phoneyhodou, he rather wished he had the confidence to storm up to Mitsurugi and just thrust his hands down his pants and leer.

Phoneyhodou interjected, sounding harsh and loud in the same language that made Mitsurugi seem educated and debonair.

“ _Hey! If you’re talking about me, then I want to know what you’re saying!_ ”

“ _He is saying he is surprised you romanced me so early. It is a special technique of love he wants you to teach him, and you can both practised on me. By the way, he is Naruhodou. Please, call me Reiji._ ”

 

Naruhodou blanched. He’d only understood a few words, like ‘special’ and ‘love’, but he felt he could surmise that Mitsurugi was protecting him, standing up for their relationship to the eager foreigner. “He is my Naruhodou, and I am his Reiji.” Naruhodou was shocked that Mitsurugi could be so passionate about him, so forward in linking their first names in a sentence together!

A little overcome with imagined affection, Naruhodou was treated to further palpitations of the heart as somebody burst through the front door- only it wasn’t only somebody, but another Mitsurugi.

 

“ _Oh god, Wright, I don’t know, I’ve had the most godawful day. You’d better be in a receptive mood or god help me, oh, I need a scotch and maybe a little specialised attention, if you’re up for it, if you know what I mean…_ ”

 

God, more English. Naruhodou put a hand to his heart to soothe its determined pumping, yet was unsuccessful as Mitsurugi 2 began a tirade in what sounded like French, or maybe Bolginian…

“ _Who the hell do you think you are? I’ll sue! And then I’ll sue your lawyer, and customs, and Interpol! And… and immigration! And… my… estate! No, Franziska! I’ll sue her too! What are you doing in my house?_ ”

“ _My good man, there is no reason to shout at me in a strange Eurobabble. Please, let us conversation like gentlemen_.”

  


Two Mitsurugi’s. Both speaking in European, both wearing their passionate angry frowns that were so attractive in court and both (he imagined) fighting over him. He wasn’t entirely sure he liked the direction of events, but he couldn’t deny it was interesting…

Two Mitsurugi’s, each speaking lowly in his hear, murmuring his favourite English words in a competition for his attention… _love… special… beautiful… cantaloupe…_

Naruhodou only came out of his reverie to notice that everyone was staring at him. At a loss for what to do, he reverted to cultural niceties and introduced himself, stuttering a little.

The American Mitsurugi smiled gently at him. “ _Oh-ho, I like him._ ”

Score! Naruhodou was an honest, modest sort of man, but even so, he still had charm. The three other men had a little debate between themselves, Mitsurugi mentioning his name, and then they turned to stare at him.

“M…me?”

Why were they staring at him? He couldn’t help it if he was attractive. As if to prove his point, the foreign Mitsurugi leaned forward to pat him on the arse. Just as Naruhodou was enjoying the attention, his doppelganger leaned forward to grab him by the hand, pulling him away.

“ _You leave him alone!_ ”

Talk about jealousy! Naruhodou wasn’t having any of it. He decided to give the man a piece of his mind, in whatever English he could muster. If _he_ couldn’t manage to secure the attentions of Mitsurugi, he should at least be polite enough to let Naruhodou enjoy them!

“I…. I is…also I to be…person with rights! Please… not to be… objection, Mister Beatnicks!”

Looking a little grumpy, the fake Naruhodou left the room, leaving him alone with the two prosecutors. Finally, a break! Mitsurugi and his doppelganger exchanged a sultry glance, and a few amused sentences, using words like ‘carefully’ and ‘miracle’. Ho-ho.

Mitsurugi turned his head Naruhodou’s way, and offered him a smile.

“Oh, Naruhodou. You’d better stop blushing or my friend here might just steal you away.”

Naruhodou hid his smirk and worked on blushing harder. He turned to Mitsurugi and spoke in his best English-

"Oh, snap. I do not hear such a truth."


End file.
